Archive for September 3rd, 2004

3
Sep

Random shotput

   Posted by: Yoggie    in Funnies, Wacky and Wanton, Writing

Policeman Ted: “So explain to me why you are lying on your back in middle of the park.”

Me: “I was sitting on the bench over there eating my Coconut Cream Pie Nonfat Yogurt…”

Policeman Ted: “Coconut Cream Pie Yogurt… ugh!”

Me: “Hey, don’t you want to know what happen or what? And could you help me up?”

Policeman Ted: “Nope, you’ll be easier to manage flat on your back.”

Me: “Jeez! Anyway, I was minding my own business, eating my yogurt, when this woman runs out of nowhere. This red-headed naked woman!”

Policeman Ted: “Naked?! Did you get any pictures?”

Me: “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting to see naked women or I would have brought my digital camera.”

Policeman Ted: “Continue…”

Me: “Well, I was kinda shocked for obvious reasons. You don’t see naked attractive women running through the park everyday..”

Policeman Ted: “Unless you are in a porn movie…”

Me: “Keep that up and I’ll file a police brutality complaint. I saw her running across the park when she must have seen me cause she change direction and headed my way. Of course I was in shock just seeing this vision of beauty running starkers and my reaction was a bit delayed when she screeched to a halt in front of me and started to give me a lap dance.”

Policeman Ted: “Yeah, I betcha had a delayed reaction.”

Me: “Your treading on thin ice there copper! Here she was giving me a lap dance, she turns around, throws me to the ground on my back, and starts to hump me. She was obviously having a good time as she was screaming and moaning. Then she stops and runs away saying she just made it with Ron Jeremy.”

Policeman Ted: “One heck of a story, bud. This mystery woman didn’t happen to leave her name or anything?”

Me: “She did have this phone number tattooed across her arse… 555-3132.”

Policeman Ted: “555-313… whataminute! That is my number! Damn, that was my wife!”

Me: “So what would be a good time to call her?”

I don’t remember anything after that.

This warped, untrue story brought to you by a guy who is not feeling well at the moment and is typing in a feverish haze.


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3
Sep

End of Summer Friday Five

   Posted by: Yoggie    in Friday Five

Autum tree image by (c) FreeFoto.com
Image supplied by FreeFoto.com.

I present my answers to this week’s Friday Five…

1. What is your favorite summer activity?
Listening to thunderstorms late at night. Summer thunderstorms are so spectacular in the Southeast, the air cools down, and the beat of the rain in the dark is so smoothing. I like to turn off all the lights in the house and just watch it storm.

2. What was one great thing you did this summer?
This has been the most mundane summer I have ever had. The only highlight was guest blogging for Eden.

3. When you were a child, what was your favorite summer activity?
Riding my bicycle. I used to live far out of town where no one ever came by and I could go ride for hours down the road without meeting a car. And with all the hills in the area, I could speed up and feel the wind whipping by me.

4. What has been your favorite summer vacation?
Going to Disney World with my kids. You have never lived until you take children to the Magic Kingdom.

5. Summer goes well into September, but when do you feel like it is over?
I feel that it is over when the leaves start to turn and the days get noticeably shorter. The long shadows and darker skies signal that my favorite season, Autumn, is just around the corner.

That reminds me, it is time to start the season decorating. I guess I better pull the Autumn and Halloween decorations out of storage. I tend to start decorating in September and finish some time in February.

Don’t let Hurricane Frances blow you away, do the Friday Five.


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