People send me the strangest stuff sometimes. Take for instance the email I just received from a female admirer who thought I would get a kick out of it. It is a list of catch phrases about using condoms.

Some of them are a bit risqué so you will have to click the more link below to see them. I’m warning you that some of it is NSFW.

If you’re gonna get funky, cover your monkey!

You’ll go home a loner if you don’t cover your boner!

Before you wag it, better bag it!

No balloon – no party!

You won’t get a goody ’til you wrap your woody!

If you go into heat, package your meat!

Without a doubt, you should cover your spout!

Don’t be a dork – wrap your pork!

Condoms: the pecker picker upper!

It don’t take long to cover your schlong!

Stop and think, and then cover your dink!

Wrap your wagger if you’re gonna shag her!

Put a rubber on your chubber!

If you are huffin’ and puffin’, protect your muffin!

You can’t go wrong if you shield your dong!

Before you dive in, cover your skin!

Before you slip between her thighs, don’t forget to condomize!

No glove, no love!

If getting naked is your plan, cover your penis like a man!

A condom is a crash helmet for your hot rod!

It only takes a jiffy to cover Mr. Stiffy!

Before you dip your wick, cover your dick!

Nothin’ says lovin’ like rubber in the oven!

When she’s looking slinky, wrap your dinky!

Gift-wrap your member, especially in December!

It’ll be sweeter if you wrap your peter!

Don’t bungle the job – cover your knob!

No condemnation for the Condom Nation!

Control your sperm – cover your worm!

It is not the length of the wand but the magic that’s in it!

Backdoor boys have no choice – cover the skin or you don’t get in!

Shroud the moose before you let loose!

Keep it calm, or it’s you and your palm!

It’s not always better, wetter!

If you wanna be mine, cover your vine!

And since you stayed with me so far, here is a little treat.

for the gals….

for the guys…

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