Bush Resigns
“I’ve f*&%$#d up the world enough for one lifetime”, President says.
Cal Govenator Ah-nold Really Cyborg
Continuously makes references to SkyNet and Sarrah Conner.
FCC Says F&%K This!
Decides that full nudity and sex is OK for broadcast TV.
Microsoft Releases New Mac-like OS
Bill Gates: “It can’t be any worse than Windows ME.”
Dead Walk The Earth
Tired of bad image of zombies in movies sited as reason.
Old People Revolt
Spokesman sites tired of dang kids in yard, no ice cream on Sundays as reason.
Underwear Attacks
Says tired of skid marks.
George Lucas Revisions Star Wars
“Darth Vader was bad idea, will use evil clown instead,” Lucas says.
French Attack On US Ended
French surrender before leaving own country.
Married Woman Explodes
Toilet seat put back down sited as cause.
Devil Cancels Participation In Armageddon
Says Hell is not as hellish as New York.
UN Goes On Vacation
“Spring break in Daytona,” says spokesperson.
New York Sold Back To Native Americans
Price, handful of pinto beans.
America Never Discovered
US just an imaginary country, says King Charles of England.
Public Sex Legalized
Surgeon General advocates booty calls daily.
President Unveils New Sex Health Plan
Calls for creation of free sex, everyday, everywhere.
New Energy Source Found
Can now harness oversize egos of politicians, limitless power supply for whole world.
Invading Aliens Go Home
Spokesperson for aliens says no need to destoy humanity, movie Gigli proof humanity already dead.
Water Found On Mars
Link to picture of water on Mars.
Men Found To Not Think About Sex
“Surprised the hell outta me,” says women around the world.
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