Dear Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years–feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don’t.
2. If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That’s why they call it “fur” niture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.
4. To you, it’s an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son or daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours, doesn’t speak clearly, eats less, doesn’t ask for money all the time, is easier to train, usually comes when called, never drives a car, doesn’t worry about having to buy the latest fashions, won’t wear your clothes, and doesn’t need a gazillion dollars for college–and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children.

Sincerely,
The person who mistakenly thinks she/he is the owner

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I picked this up from Janita and thought I’d give it a try.

1. How old were your parents as you where born?
They were both 19. They got married right out of high school.

2. Which word was your first spoken one?
Ma, according to my mother. But that is debatable.

3. Where did you go on your first holiday?
I think it was to Cypress Gardens in Florida.

4. Have you been a good child?
Recently? Well I was when I was a kid. I’m very naughty these days, just ask my wife.

5. What was your favourite toy?
My GI Joe. I used to turn him into a superhero like Superman (Superman figures were rare in my childhood) and rescue my sister’s Barbies.

Try Gimme 5.

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This I picked up from Joz’s site. It is Time’s list of 100 Greatest Films. The movies I have seen are in red. Visit Joz’s entry and ping her with your list.

Aguirre: the Wrath of God (1972)
The Apu Trilogy (1955, 1956, 1959)
The Awful Truth (1937)
Baby Face (1933)
Bande à part (1964)
Barry Lyndon (1975)
Berlin Alexanderplatz (1980)
Blade Runner (1982)
Bonnie and Clyde (1967)
Brazil (1985)
Bride of Frankenstein (1935)
Camille (1936)
Casablanca (1942)
Charade (1963)
Children of Paradise (1945)
Chinatown (1974)
Chungking Express (1994)
Citizen Kane (1941)
City Lights (1931)
City of God (2002)
Closely Watched Trains (1966)
The Crime of Monsieur Lange (1936)
The Crowd (1928)
Day for Night (1973)
The Decalogue (1989)
Detour (1945)
The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie (1972)
Dodsworth (1936)
Double Indemnity (1944)
Dr. Strangelove: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
Drunken Master II (1994)
E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
8 1/2 (1963)
The 400 Blows (1959)
Farewell My Concubine (1993)
Finding Nemo (2003)
The Fly (1986)
The Godfather, Parts I and II (1972, 1974)
The Good, The Bad and The Ugly (1966)
Goodfellas (1990)
A Hard Day’s Night (1964)
His Girl Friday (1940)
Ikiru (1952)
In A Lonely Place (1950)
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)
It’s A Gift (1934)
It’s A Wonderful Life (1946)
Kandahar (2001)
Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949)
King Kong (1933)
The Lady Eve (1941)
The Last Command (1928)
Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
Léolo (1992)
The Lord of the Rings (2001-03)
The Man With a Camera (1929)
The Manchurian Candidate (1962)
Meet Me in St. Louis (1944)
Metropolis (1927)
Miller’s Crossing (1990)
Mon oncle d’Amérique (1980)
Mouchette (1967)
Nayakan (1987)
Ninotchka (1939)
Notorious (1946)
Olympia, Parts 1 and 2 (1938)
On the Waterfront (1954)
Once Upon a Time in the West (1968)
Out of the Past (1947)
Persona (1966)
Pinocchio (1940)
Psycho (1960)
Pulp Fiction (1994)
The Purple Rose of Cairo (1985)
Pyaasa (1957)
Raging Bull (1980)
Schindler’s List (1993)
The Searchers (1956)
Sherlock, Jr. (1924)
The Shop Around the Corner (1940)
Singin’ in the Rain (1952)
The Singing Detective (1986)
Smiles of a Summer Night (1955)
Some Like It Hot (1959)
Star Wars (1977)
A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)
Sunrise (1927)
Sweet Smell of Success (1957)
Swing Time (1936)
Talk to Her (2002)
Taxi Driver (1976)
Tokyo Story (1953)
A Touch of Zen (1971)
Ugetsu (1953)
Ulysses’ Gaze (1995)
Umberto D (1952)
Unforgiven (1992)
White Heat (1949)
Wings of Desire (1987)
Yojimbo (1961)

30 out of 100 is not good, but many of the movies on this list is on my list of movies to see so there is hope.

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1. Heimlich:: maneuver
2. Gesture:: obscene
3. Party:: Monster
4. Cuddle:: sex
5. Room with a view:: dream house
6. Sebastian:: Cabot
7. Ooooh:: Chocolate!
8. Sigh:: dispair
9. Two fish, three fish:: four fish a dollar
10. Cake or death:: Damn good chocolate

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This is a very emotional Friday Five this week…

1. What made you happy this week?
The look on my children’s faces when they realized that school is almost over for the 2004-2005 year.

2. What made you sad?
A friend has shut me as well as other out of her life. I really care about this young woman and I worry about her.

3. What made you angry?
The guy who is responsible for the person mentioned above shutting people out.

4. What are you looking forward to in the next week?
A three weekend is coming at the end of next week.

5. What are you not looking forward to?
A meeting with some users about something I can do nothing about.

Join the Friday Five fray.

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1. Grandma:: home cooking
2. Pet:: cat
3. Desolate:: lost friends
4. Backspace:: key
5. Common ground:: confilct
6. Storm:: rain
7. Dark:: side
8. Water bottle:: exercise
9. Training:: grounds
10. Dot coms:: money

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The Friday Five for May 13, 2005….

(1) What do you picture when you think of lawyers?
Lots of paper work. Lots and lots of paperwork.

(2) What do you picture when you think of accountants?
Stacks of ledger books and worn out calculators.

(3) What do you picture when you think of clergy?
Church, grand old steepled churches.

(4) What do you picture when you think of garbagemen?
Garbage trucks.

(5) What do you picture when you think of a best friend?
Sunshine and smiles.

Join the Friday Five.

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Oops! Kinda missed a few days there. I have my reasons for not blogging the last few days, one being that I spent an entire day at the doctor’s office just have him tell me what I already knew — upper respiratory infection. But you can’t get the medication that you need without a prescription from your doctor and you have to visit your doctor to get the prescription.

The other reason I haven’t been blogging is that I am under a load of work at, where else, work. Everyone wants to go on summer vacation so it is rush, rush, rush. It’s the same everywhere.

I’ll have the Friday Five and UM up later today if possible. I’m off to go slay a mammoth and to build a pyramid.

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Daily drudgery that is all… not much happening in my life. I guess I should be thankful since I could be in the middle of a war or in the deepest darkest jungle fighting malaria or I could be having sex with wild female pornstars.

Well, the having sex with wild female pornstars might not be too bad.

Work, work, work…. no fun or sex.

No sleep cause I’m not getting enough sex.

Well, I could be not getting enough sleep because I’m having an allergy attack (those damn magnolia blossoms!), but it is much more sympathy drawing to say it is due to lack of sex. Sympathy sex. Symphony sex… with an all girl orchestra.

Orchestra instruments are sexy…. the violin and base bows moving back and forth like the in and outs of coupling, the oral stimulations of the woodwinds and horns, the tender drumming on firm buttocks, the piano massages across your lover’s back. Sounds very erotic. I don’t think I’ll be able to go to the symphony again the same way again.

E-ro-tic… sounds like some e-commerce utilization of tic repellant.

Now that I have everyone turned on and frustrated as I am, I will leave you with this one word… FAIRIES!

Floaty crowny things

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