Remember that old guy down the road? No, not the one with the smelly feet and the banjo. I’m talking about the old guy who was the wellspring of advice that also kept yelling at you to get off his lawn. Here are some of the sage words you remember from childhood…

A bird in the hand is… dinner.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave… when we put line in a weedwacker.

If at first you don’t succeed… you’re an idiot so quit.

Early to bed, early to rise… that was before television.

An apple a day… is only good if you have teeth.

A true friend is… a guy that will loan you twenty bucks when you only ask for ten.

The worst wheel of the cart… is the one you just got fixed.

The three hardest things in the world are steel, diamonds, and… a kids thick skull.

The things that hurt,… suck.

Love your enemies,… then get them when they least expect it.

He that lives carnally,… had one hell of a good time.

He that lies down with dogs,… had a hell of a bender last night.

He that has not got a wife,…. is a hell of a lot smarter than I am.

When the well’s dry,… go pay the water bill.

A Spoonful of Honey will catch more Flies than… those damn pest strips.

A fool and his money… multiply with no end.

A sucker is born… everytime he says “I do”.

Visits should be short,… so get off my lawn, you punk kid!

Mood: undecided

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