When did you last…
1. scrounge for change (couch, ashtray, ect) to make a purchase?
Late last week.

2. visit a dentist?
About a year or so ago.

3. make a needed change to your life?
Yesterday

4. decide on a complete menu well in advance of the evening meal?
A few weeks ago.

5. spend part of the day (other than daily hygiene) totally/mostly naked?
Almost 15 years ago.

Email this post

We are up to version 2.6.3 on WordPress now. Something about a vulnerability in the Snoopy library necessitating an upgrade.  Apparently the file class-snoopy.php in directory wp-includes is involved so you don’t have to do a complete upgrade.

Email this post

• Must… avoid… blogging… about… politics.
• Alyson Hannigan is pregnant! No, my cute wittle Willow/Lily/Michelle can’t be a mother-to-be!
• Saw V: The Search For More Money is in theaters tomorrow.  “You won’t believe how it ends”…. howabout just ending the franchise.  No, because Saw VI is coming with a show on VH1 to determine a role in the movie.  Will they ever let Jigsaw rot in peace?  Have you heard the term “kicking a dead horse”?
• Paging Sarah Conner, Sarah Conner
• String tastes funny
• When cooking dinner, remember to buy food first.  Yes, I was all ready to cook steak when I realized that I had not bought any steak. Ramen noodles anyone?
• Always, always check to see if there is any toilet paper before you use the bathroom, especially you women out there. 
• Living out in the middle of nowhere means there is no one to bother you, but it also means that it is a major road trip to the grocery store.
• Cars that run on gasoline require gas in the gas tank.  When the arrow points to “E” and the “fill the freakin’ tank” light comes on, you should seek out a gas station quickly. You are lucky that it was me that found you by the road and that I had almost a gallon of gas in my lawnmower gas jug.
• Dead squirrels make great dog and cat chew toys.  Unfortunately, dead squirrels freak out the women of the house when said dog/cat brings it in.

Email this post

1. Magical :: Mystery Tour
2. Shrimp :: boat
3. Project Runway :: models
4. Economy :: fail
5. Porch :: swing
6. State of affairs :: fail
7. .com :: www.yogblog
8. Fifty cents :: half dollar
9. Ripping :: bicepts
10. Bull :: raging

Email this post

1. If you could be an animal, what would you be and why?
A cute wittle bunny wunny.

2. If you could mate two animals together, which would you pick?
a cute wittle bunny wynny with a rabid Tasmanian Devil (Looney Toons variety).

3. What would you call the offspring from #2?
Cute wubby of Death!

4. If you could change an animal’s colors, which would you pick and which colors would you use?
Lion, I made it all white.. easier to see.

5. If you could make one animal extinct, which would you pick?Wasps.

Email this post

Here is the news that is not even CNN would report on. Okay, if CNN knew about these stories they would report on them, even though they are completely made up… not CNN, but the stories… though I have my doubts about CNN.

• Scientists declare that sky is blue – After years of research and billions of dollars in grant money, scientist at I S*%t U Not Institute released finds that indeed the sky is blue with occasional spots of white stuff.  The researchers have acquired another grant to investigate that white stuff in the sky.
• Cell phones make you smell funny – The FCC released findings today that the use of cell phones while showering causes people to not get as clean therefore making the cell phone users smell funny.
• Man runs down street – A man was spotted running down the street of some unnamed city yesterday.  Witnesses were baffled as to why anyone would care.
• Newspaper report crappy news – There has been a dramatic increase in the reporting of crappy news in newspapers of late.  One example is the “Man runs down street” story and the Presidential debates.
• Stocks go down to zero – Stupid man was quoted as saying “how low could you go.”
• Women found on the moon – It seems that women have been exploring space all these years while men have been in the bathroom with the newspapers.  When asked about the accusations, Sen. Hillary Clinton said “Err-ror!  Does not compute.”
• E-mail makes your brain swell – Spam e-mail expected to flood inboxes with cures for disease.
• Stocks rebound sharply to yesterday’s high – Reports state that someone tried put a USB plug into a serial port in the NYSE’s main computer and shorted out the big board making people think that the stock market tanked.
• Banks rolling in dough – Reports indicate that banks were trying to make cookies and mistook the dough for the cash they have been rolling in for decades.
• U.S. troops invade Georgia – Governor Perdue shocked that his state has been invaded again.  “First the Russians, then the media, now the U.S.!  Next it will be Microsoft!”, the governor was quoted as saying.
• “Joe the Plumber” arrested for crack possession – Joe was arrested today at an unnamed woman’s house after she alleges that Joe bent over to fix her sink and his butt crack was exposed.  Senators Obama and McCain have no comment, though Gov. Palin was quoted as saying that she could see Joe’s butt crack from her front yard.
• Brooke Shields pregnant – Father is reported to be a Volkswagen Routan. Shields is reported to have been impregnated via German Engineering.
• Blogger resigns after calling Palin’s children “props” – Palin responds that children are not props, children promptly become two-dimension and fall after grip knocks over children with mic. 
• Zombies stage protest for dead rights -  Crowd of zombies disbursed when offered brains.  Paris Hilton seen joining zombie protestors searching for promised brains.
• VP Chaney leaves hospital after heart procedure – Is now searching for Sarah Conner.
• Female teacher arrest for not sleeping with students – Students complained that they went to her boring lectures and brought her apples everyday for nothin’.  School board shocked, will consider hiring prostitutes to teach classes.

Email this post

1. Zoo :: animals
2. Neighborhood :: watch
3. Salute :: military
4. Immortality :: Highlander
5. Dominion :: A Prequel to the Exorcist
6. Rhonda :: Moorman
7. Parties :: all night
8. Prince of Darkness :: John Carpenter
9. Garbage :: Stupid Girl
10. Standard :: Oil

Email this post

1. What is the one most important thing by your side right now?
Phone

2. Why is it so important?
It keeps me in touch with others.

3. Can you live without it?
Yep.

4. What is the one thing you can’t live without?
Food?

5. Who is the one person you can’t live without?
Wife.

Email this post

Here is the news that is not the news that could be the news even though it is too stupid to be the news but could actually happen in some parallel universe.

• Man robs bank, leaves owing $20,000 – When asked by authorities why he robbed the bank, man responded that he had a temporary bout of insanity and thought there was money at the bank.  Police released the man without charging saying that they would have to arrest the bank officials with robbery as well if they charged him.
• Zombies protest exclusion from national elections – A representative of the zombies stated that “zombies must be given the right to vote in national elections, after all they have been voting in Chicago for years”.  When asked for comment on the issue, Governor and VP hopeful Sarah Palin grabbed her gun and started shooting zombies in the head.
• Senator and presidential nominee John McCain has balls – When responding to a recent SNL skit concerning Palin and Clinton, McCain stated that he does, in fact, have balls, it is just that his wife keeps them in her purse.
• Obama is white – it was revealed today that Senator and presidential nominee Barack Obama is actually Caucasian and that every television set on the planet has the colors mixed up.  On a side note, McCain is green with orange dots.
• Man wins lottery, buys Wells Fargo – Quoted as saying, “what the hell else could I do with $100?  Buy gas?”
• Poles put Obama a win in debate by a slim margin – Still no word why poles can vote and zombies cannot.
• Jamie Lynn Spears pregnant again – no really.
• Palin vows to have shotguns in every home – “Best damn engagement ring for unwed pregnant teens, like evar” Palin reported as saying.
• World Series canceled – All baseball teams somehow eliminated in playoffs.  Commissioner Bud Selig at a loss to explain, will host world spit throwing finals instead.
• Stock markets around the world crash – All are being charged with DUI.
• George Clooney snorting hairy caterpillars – see picture.
• Gas now at $1 million dollars a gallon – Protected by sharks with freakin’ lasers.
• Vampires gathered at the Capital at noon to protest lack of blood bank oversight – Mysterious grayish powder found at protest locale minutes later.
• What Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious really means – is SNL getting better?
• Undying serial killers protest rising gas prices – One protester stated that it took three arms and a leg of a victim to get one gallon of gas.  Presidential nominee Jason Voorhees and VP nominee Michael Myers, both of the Horror Party, have no comment.

Email this post