• Scientist discover that poor people have little disposable income. Scientist say the findings are shocking, the poor beat scientist over head with tree limbs.
• The Federal Government finds $2 Gazillion stuffed under Abraham Lincoln’s mattress.  Ghost of Lincoln has been stuffing retirement money in bed since he died. The poor hit federal comptrollers in the head with tree limbs.
• Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich found selling seats to his impeachment trial.  Quoted as saying, “Show me the money!”  The poor hit the entire Illinois government in the head with tree limbs.
• Man caught trying to eat.  Claims he hadn’t had a bite in days, report bites him.  The poor hit journalists in the head with tree limbs.
• Money found to actually grow on trees.  The poor stop hitting people with tree limbs and start picking money off trees.
• Researcher finds that Romans did not build roads, traveled around in magic chariots that fly instead. The poor really, really want to hit researcher in the head for wasting money but are too busy face palming.
• Police find large cache of 80′s porn in drug raid.  Police say that it will take months before all of the evidence is looked at.  The poor want porn, tired of pretending tree limbs are porn stars.
• Man arrested on bigamy charges.  Judge denies bail as the man is clearly insane since he married in the first place.  The poor hit the man in the groin with tree limbs.

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