Email this post- Scientist discover that poor people have little disposable income. Scientist say the findings are shocking, the poor beat scientist over head with tree limbs.
- The Federal Government finds $2 Gazillion stuffed under Abraham Lincoln’s mattress. Ghost of Lincoln has been stuffing retirement money in bed since he died. The poor hit federal comptrollers in the head with tree limbs.
- Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich found selling seats to his impeachment trial. Quoted as saying, “Show me the money!” The poor hit the entire Illinois government in the head with tree limbs.
- Man caught trying to eat. Claims he hadn’t had a bite in days, report bites him. The poor hit journalists in the head with tree limbs.
- Money found to actually grow on trees. The poor stop hitting people with tree limbs and start picking money off trees.
- Researcher finds that Romans did not build roads, traveled around in magic chariots that fly instead. The poor really, really want to hit researcher in the head for wasting money but are too busy face palming.
- Police find large cache of 80′s porn in drug raid. Police say that it will take months before all of the evidence is looked at. The poor want porn, tired of pretending tree limbs are porn stars.
- Man arrested on bigamy charges. Judge denies bail as the man is clearly insane since he married in the first place. The poor hit the man in the groin with tree limbs.
Archive for the ‘Funnies’ Category
- Town $8 million in debt. Mayor responds that he is waiting on an inheritance from a relative in Zimbabwe to make up deficit. The poor use tree to knock mayor silly.
- Man swims with tiger sharks and lives… just before the lasers get him. The poor run from beaches because it is SHARKS WITH FREAKIN’ LASERS!
- H1N1 lawyers file cease and desist orders against distribution of vaccines. Cold-blooded lizard lawyers site that H1N1 has not killed any of them and it is a smear campaign by the medical community. The poor too busy sneezing up pigs to care.
- Peeps store opens. Town immediately besieged by giant robotic peeps. The poor go nom-nom-nom and save mankind.
- Sarah Palin considering writing second book. The poor flabbergasted that Palin can read much less write and attack publishers with copies of “Of Mice and Men”.
- Cereal makers to reduce amount of sugar in dry breakfast cereals. The poor dropping the whole cereal facade and eating sticks directly.
- Woman arrested for smuggling monkey meat. The poor and everyone else wonders what wine you use to go with grilled monkey.
- For Sale: Japanese island. Islanders tired of giant monsters tramping over their corn fields. The poor taking up collections to buy island and restart Godzilla franchise.
17
Mar
I get spam episode 12002
On today’s episode of I Get Spam….
Subject Maximize your Physical Attributes (Yes! I always wanted a bigger arse and eyeballs!)
Start 2008 (We are in the middle of March, you’re a bit late to start now.) off with an all natural, (made with synthetic gerbil butter and plastic steak) guaranteed (10% sure that it works) male enhancement (So you want to make me watch more football and swill more beer?) solution (what, you’re not offering math problems, you suck!).
http://www.somestupidspammer.com/
10 incredible ways to hit on her (and remain a virgin until you’re 90)
Feelin’: 
lucky
28
Sep
Is it dead yet?
No, it is not dead yet… though it has been on life support for, like, fur-ever (i.e., I’ve been meme-ing to get around to posting something profound…. get it, meme-ing… you people have not got one funny bone in your collective body).
Why, you ask, have I been so no-posty? Illness for one thing, a general depression (who wouldn’t be depressed with today’s world events), and being swamped at work (which means I’m too tired of working on a computer all day to want to get back on a computer at home… plus my wife will not get off the computer… anyone have a laptop they want to sell cheap?).
Remember that old guy down the road? No, not the one with the smelly feet and the banjo. I’m talking about the old guy who was the wellspring of advice that also kept yelling at you to get off his lawn. Here are some of the sage words you remember from childhood…
A bird in the hand is… dinner.
Oh, what a tangled web we weave… when we put line in a weedwacker.
If at first you don’t succeed… you’re an idiot so quit.
Early to bed, early to rise… that was before television.
An apple a day… is only good if you have teeth.
A true friend is… a guy that will loan you twenty bucks when you only ask for ten.
The worst wheel of the cart… is the one you just got fixed.
The three hardest things in the world are steel, diamonds, and… a kids thick skull.
The things that hurt,… suck.
Love your enemies,… then get them when they least expect it.
He that lives carnally,… had one hell of a good time.
He that lies down with dogs,… had a hell of a bender last night.
He that has not got a wife,…. is a hell of a lot smarter than I am.
When the well’s dry,… go pay the water bill.
A Spoonful of Honey will catch more Flies than… those damn pest strips.
A fool and his money… multiply with no end.
A sucker is born… everytime he says “I do”.
Visits should be short,… so get off my lawn, you punk kid!
Mood: 
undecided
I am getting so tired of receiving e-mails from strangers concerned about the size of my penis. I know I’m not Long Donkey Kong but I don’t need any more help in that department. Take for instance this e-mail (hey, you were stupid enough to send me spam so know I can share)…..
From: an idiot
To: me
Subject: Just checking in
Awww, that’s sweet. Now BITE ME!
S-ensational revolution in medicine!
You mean they have found a cure for that rash I got back in ’77 from my skanky girlfriend-cousin-aunt who got pregnant with the devil’s child after the night we made that there bald guy squeal like a pig!
Enlarge your penis up to 10 cm or up to 4 inches!
Is that length or girth…. I don’t think my pants will take for more inches of girth. What a minute, 10 cm is only 3.9 inches and 4 inches is 10.2 cm.
It’s herbal solution what hasn’t side effect, but has 100% guaranteed results!
Are we inventing new sentence structures here? So you are saying that this stuff will not make me glow in the dark or sprout wings on my penis? Then why the heck would I want it.
Don’t loose your chance and but know wihtout doubts, you will be impressed with results!
You were excatly the spelling bee champ at school, were you sport. Well, if it at gonna give me penis wings I am not impressed.
C-liisk he`re: http://***********.***
So now we are speaking in code? I’ll go along. Sl’ap doooonkey arse.
I have received like ten of these e-mails today. I hope you shrivel up and lose all bowel control during you mothers wedding to the 15 year old kid who got her pregnant, you spam person.
Yes, I am in a bad mood. My evil plan to take over the world fail last night because Pinky had two tickets to the opera.
Feelin’ 
sick
goofySometimes I can resist reading spam, especially when I get tickled over the title…
Subject: Make your wife happy
..or how to commit yourself to a sanitarium.
Hi there,
Well, aren’t you courteous.
Try this special product, Cialis Soft Tabs.
Now we are being bossy!
We have millions of happy customers all around the world.
So you have a working relationship with Smiling Bob?
You will get the perfect feeling of being a man again!
So I guess I’m feeling like, say, an amoeba right now?
Cialis Soft Tabs is the impotence treatment drug that everyone is talking about.
Not around here. Everyone seems to be talking about hot showers.
Cialis acts up to 36 hours, compare this to only two or three hours of Viagra action!
Imagine an erection that last 36 hours! Damn! Hide your women, grandpa has taken his Cialis again!
The active ingredient is Tadalafil, same as in brand Cialis.
Tada lada lada dada.
Simply dissolve half a pill under your tongue, 10 min before intercourse for the best erections you’ve ever had!
Unless you have kids, which you need to swallow the whole bottle and grease the door handle.
Cialis also have less sidebacks (you can drive or mix alcohol drinks with them).
You can have sex, drink, and drive all at the same time. Sounds like my teenage years… well except for the sex.
No prior prescription is needed.
…. cause the only doctor that would prescribe it lives on the Amazon in a reed boat that sunk two days ago.
* Save up to 80% compared to the pharmacies.
As if this would be sold at a pharmacy.
* Worldwide shipping
Except to towns named Toledo, Salem, and Devil’s End, and to Jimmy Buffet’s cellar.
* Impress your woman today!
Impress her as to how stupid you really are… and with the 36 hour erection!
You can get it at: http://*****/
… i.e. spam headquarters.
No thanks: http://******
Exactly… I can joke about 36 hour erections for only so long.
Spam people, you make it too easy. And before you try to sue me, you sent me this crap so I under obligations to make fun of it.
20
Jul
Pictures for fun
angelic
Headlines you thought you’d never see and… well, the chances of you seeing them are slim to none and it is sliding toward none.
Resurrected Dogs Escape From Army Lab
Thought to be looking for Milla Jovovich.
Fossil Found In South Dakota Actually Dragon
Little Jackie Paper calling for Puff
President Bush Has A Thought
Entire nation aghast.
Tom Cruise Quits Scientology
Blames alien anal probe for tirades.
Oil Drops To $2 A Barrel
Flying pigs over Saudi Arabia sited as reason.
Cheese Found To Be Perfect Food
Stock prices on cheese soar to $200 a wedge.
Hurricane Dennis Meets T.S. Cindy
Get married, have little his- and her- icanes.
Aliens Invade Hollywood
Claims War Of The Worlds movie shows them in bad light.
U.S. Annexes England
Bush: “England has been our bitch since the war in Iraq, might as well make it legal.”
Ringo Starr Shaves
Sites beard not growing to full potential as reason.
Chickens Armed With Ray Guns Attack White House
Demand equal time on Chicl-fil-A commercials.
Paris Hilton Invents Time Machine
Hilton: “If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour… you’re gonna see some serious shit. ”
Lost Secret Revealed
TV show actually dream by Gilligan.
Women’s Breast Size Increase Overnight
Scientists drooling over chance to investigate strange phenomenon.
Voyager Probe Unexpectantly Returns From Deep Space
Wants to merge with maker, needs Sarah Conners address.