Just when I thought it was safe to get back in the water… uhm blogoshpere, things go south in both hardware and um I guess hardware.  I keep planning on doing some serious blogging and about the time I sit down something happens, whether it be really bad storm, connection problems, work overload, or just some project at home that needs to be done gets in the way.  I know, it only takes a few minutes to jot something down, why don’t you keep us informed on Twitter, your shoes are on fire… (?) I only have so many hours and minutes in a day and I already do not sleep enough.  I will do my best to get myself on-line more often and actually write something of substance.

Why the post’s title?  I was driving back to work (I had to get a replacement keyboard for my wife) and I looked up in the sky and it looked just like the sky on The Simpsons.  I took pictures but I don’t have any way at present to get them off my phone.

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This is Yoggie’s brain… uhm no I’m not a fried egg.  Yoggie is not here right now as I, his brain, have sprouted wings and flew off.  Yoggie, or rather the  body formerly know as the host to me, the brain, is search for me.  Unfortunately, without me in his head, his search will be futile.  At least he doesn’t have to be worried about being attacked by zombies.

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• Scientist discover that poor people have little disposable income. Scientist say the findings are shocking, the poor beat scientist over head with tree limbs.
• The Federal Government finds $2 Gazillion stuffed under Abraham Lincoln’s mattress.  Ghost of Lincoln has been stuffing retirement money in bed since he died. The poor hit federal comptrollers in the head with tree limbs.
• Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich found selling seats to his impeachment trial.  Quoted as saying, “Show me the money!”  The poor hit the entire Illinois government in the head with tree limbs.
• Man caught trying to eat.  Claims he hadn’t had a bite in days, report bites him.  The poor hit journalists in the head with tree limbs.
• Money found to actually grow on trees.  The poor stop hitting people with tree limbs and start picking money off trees.
• Researcher finds that Romans did not build roads, traveled around in magic chariots that fly instead. The poor really, really want to hit researcher in the head for wasting money but are too busy face palming.
• Police find large cache of 80′s porn in drug raid.  Police say that it will take months before all of the evidence is looked at.  The poor want porn, tired of pretending tree limbs are porn stars.
• Man arrested on bigamy charges.  Judge denies bail as the man is clearly insane since he married in the first place.  The poor hit the man in the groin with tree limbs.

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I was looking through my bookmarks today at lunch trying to find something to read as I consumed my meal. I came across The Moonlit Road, a favorite site I haven’t visited in some time. If you like spooky stories with a flair of the ol’ South in ‘em, then this site is for you. It requires free registration to view the text archives, but there is usually two or three new audio stories on the welcome page each month. So turn out the lights, get a comfy blanket, and make sure the doors are locked and bolted when you read and hear these tales, you never know who or what maybe outside.

Read if you dare!

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Policeman Ted: “So explain to me why you are lying on your back in middle of the park.”

Me: “I was sitting on the bench over there eating my Coconut Cream Pie Nonfat Yogurt…”

Policeman Ted: “Coconut Cream Pie Yogurt… ugh!”

Me: “Hey, don’t you want to know what happen or what? And could you help me up?”

Policeman Ted: “Nope, you’ll be easier to manage flat on your back.”

Me: “Jeez! Anyway, I was minding my own business, eating my yogurt, when this woman runs out of nowhere. This red-headed naked woman!”

Policeman Ted: “Naked?! Did you get any pictures?”

Me: “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting to see naked women or I would have brought my digital camera.”

Policeman Ted: “Continue…”

Me: “Well, I was kinda shocked for obvious reasons. You don’t see naked attractive women running through the park everyday..”

Policeman Ted: “Unless you are in a porn movie…”

Me: “Keep that up and I’ll file a police brutality complaint. I saw her running across the park when she must have seen me cause she change direction and headed my way. Of course I was in shock just seeing this vision of beauty running starkers and my reaction was a bit delayed when she screeched to a halt in front of me and started to give me a lap dance.”

Policeman Ted: “Yeah, I betcha had a delayed reaction.”

Me: “Your treading on thin ice there copper! Here she was giving me a lap dance, she turns around, throws me to the ground on my back, and starts to hump me. She was obviously having a good time as she was screaming and moaning. Then she stops and runs away saying she just made it with Ron Jeremy.”

Policeman Ted: “One heck of a story, bud. This mystery woman didn’t happen to leave her name or anything?”

Me: “She did have this phone number tattooed across her arse… 555-3132.”

Policeman Ted: “555-313… whataminute! That is my number! Damn, that was my wife!”

Me: “So what would be a good time to call her?”

I don’t remember anything after that.

This warped, untrue story brought to you by a guy who is not feeling well at the moment and is typing in a feverish haze.

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Back before the arrival of the Europeans, back before the long boats of the yellow-hairs, back before even the Great Dissolution which created the many tribes that scattered through the land called America by the Europeans, The People lived in the one Great Tribe. The People were few in number at first, crawling out of the cave after the world was born to face a land filled with not only plenty of plants and game, but with many Unnatural People as well.

The Unnatural People were in the land first and they resented the coming of The People. The Unnatural People refused to live in peace with The People and took every opportunity to make war on The People. The Unnatural People could take the shape of terrible beasts not found anywhere in the world, creatures of teeth, of claw, and of horrible magic and they used that power to kill those of The People. The Great Spirit saw that the Unnatural People were decimating the younger and weaker People, and with heavy heart taught the The People the making of the weapons of war out of stone and wood giving The People the tools to survive the conflict.
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I know, I was supposed to get the novel posted on the web this evening, but I have been busy with a few things at home and the site is not ready. I’m pushing for a Monday posting. I have started writing, I just hope I can make it to 50,000 words.

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The vote tally is in. There were no hanging chads or voting irregularities so the count is official. I will be doing the third option, the story about betrayal, incest, murder, mystery, and prostitution and the hapless poor schmo whose life is ruined by the turn of events. I will tell you now the novel involves very adult themes, violence, explicit language, and sexual situations. I will do my best to have the first installment up tomorrow evening.

Now if I can just get the site ready and think up of a suitable title.

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As Herman Munster is wont to say “Darn! Darn! Darn! Darn!”. The Cubs lost last night so they will not be heading to the World Series. If the Sox don’t win their playoff, I will not be watching the World Series this year. Seeing the Yankees and the Marlins fight over the title is just not interesting to me. We’ll see tonight.

On another note, I have decide that I am gonna try to complete this years National Novel Writing Month. If you are unfamiliar with it, in the month of November you attempt to write a 50,000 word novel. That’s it. I’ve never tried anything like this before so wish me luck. Let see if I can be creative enough to pull it off.

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